If you are not blessed with a teenager in your home yet, just wait. Your time will come.
Probably every parent wonders at some point what they did to deserve a teenager who thinks he knows everything. In my case, I know I deserve it. I was a teenager with a very strong sense of justice who would come out and present a whole defense argument for every little issue that came up between my parents and my siblings that, I know now, was pretty much none of my business. I was the in-home & self-appointed public defender. I can see why my parents always said that I'd make a good lawyer. And I realize now that I must've been pretty irritating....but I still believe I had the best of intentions.
My solution for handling a know-it-all teenager? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I don't take the bait because I know I can't win. There's nothing you can respond with that will garner this response that you would really like to hear, something like: "Wow, tThat's a really good tip Mom. Thanks for the insight!" So I either just say nothing, or I repeat my first directive more firmly while I wait for the mood to pass. It seems to work okay, but some of the off-the-cuff remarks that I have to listen to are kind of hurtful and almost require therapy (hence, the reason I'm airing it all on a public blog post!).
My therapy = sharing these little gems on my blog with a whole lot of people who know my son.
I've been especially waiting to share these three pearls of wisdom that I heard over the past week.
(Okay, I admit it: this is really my sick revenge. Public mocking and humiliation.)
#1: "Mom, just because you get smelly doesn't mean I do. Why do you think I need to shower? I don't smell as bad as you do!"
My rebuttal: Stated Firmly: "We are not going anywhere until you've taken a shower." My thoughts: This was after 4 days of not showering! Hel-lo-o! Everyone gets smelly after 4 days of not showering. Yes, I do exercise regularly and I know it makes me smell way worse than you on any given day, but then I shower and I smell very nice. I also apply a magical little potion, called deodorant, that keeps me smelling fresh. And have you smelled yourself lately? Your nose must be numb after all these years of skipping showers and having to put up with that odor!
#2: "I don't see why you're so upset that I have a "D" that I can fix anytime. Why do you care that I have a "D"?
My response, that I didn't actually say: Duhhh, starts with D. And if you can fix it anytime, why haven't you? Is it just because you really enjoy being grounded from your cel phone and your favorite card game? Okay, because I'll happily take them away anytime you want for no reason whatsoever. You don't have to earn a D for me to confiscate your most prized possessions. Another word that starts with D: drop-out. And dummy. Doofus.
#3: "You should get a "real" job so you can understand how we feel."
He came up with this slam while he was trying to get out of having to help with chores last weekend. He was attempting to make the case that because he works so hard all through the week, he really needed to just kick back and veg all weekend and he didn't see why I couldn't understand that he was taking a much needed break. A lot of the times, I tell him, "Your life is one big party; you have no idea how good you have it."
My answer: Nothing, but in my head : Please refer back to the previous statements you've made. (See #1 and #2 above.) You haven't even taken the time to shower or do your homework during the week. How stressed out can you be? Your life is one big party and I'm a tyrant because I ask you to help out with one small job on the weekend? Who is making your meals, driving you from point A to point B, cleaning your home, waking you up when you sleep through your alarm at 5:25 am, etc?
It has been very therapeutic sharing these with so many people. I feel much better.
Probably every parent wonders at some point what they did to deserve a teenager who thinks he knows everything. In my case, I know I deserve it. I was a teenager with a very strong sense of justice who would come out and present a whole defense argument for every little issue that came up between my parents and my siblings that, I know now, was pretty much none of my business. I was the in-home & self-appointed public defender. I can see why my parents always said that I'd make a good lawyer. And I realize now that I must've been pretty irritating....but I still believe I had the best of intentions.
My solution for handling a know-it-all teenager? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I don't take the bait because I know I can't win. There's nothing you can respond with that will garner this response that you would really like to hear, something like: "Wow, tThat's a really good tip Mom. Thanks for the insight!" So I either just say nothing, or I repeat my first directive more firmly while I wait for the mood to pass. It seems to work okay, but some of the off-the-cuff remarks that I have to listen to are kind of hurtful and almost require therapy (hence, the reason I'm airing it all on a public blog post!).
My therapy = sharing these little gems on my blog with a whole lot of people who know my son.
I've been especially waiting to share these three pearls of wisdom that I heard over the past week.
(Okay, I admit it: this is really my sick revenge. Public mocking and humiliation.)
#1: "Mom, just because you get smelly doesn't mean I do. Why do you think I need to shower? I don't smell as bad as you do!"
My rebuttal: Stated Firmly: "We are not going anywhere until you've taken a shower." My thoughts: This was after 4 days of not showering! Hel-lo-o! Everyone gets smelly after 4 days of not showering. Yes, I do exercise regularly and I know it makes me smell way worse than you on any given day, but then I shower and I smell very nice. I also apply a magical little potion, called deodorant, that keeps me smelling fresh. And have you smelled yourself lately? Your nose must be numb after all these years of skipping showers and having to put up with that odor!
#2: "I don't see why you're so upset that I have a "D" that I can fix anytime. Why do you care that I have a "D"?
My response, that I didn't actually say: Duhhh, starts with D. And if you can fix it anytime, why haven't you? Is it just because you really enjoy being grounded from your cel phone and your favorite card game? Okay, because I'll happily take them away anytime you want for no reason whatsoever. You don't have to earn a D for me to confiscate your most prized possessions. Another word that starts with D: drop-out. And dummy. Doofus.
#3: "You should get a "real" job so you can understand how we feel."
He came up with this slam while he was trying to get out of having to help with chores last weekend. He was attempting to make the case that because he works so hard all through the week, he really needed to just kick back and veg all weekend and he didn't see why I couldn't understand that he was taking a much needed break. A lot of the times, I tell him, "Your life is one big party; you have no idea how good you have it."
My answer: Nothing, but in my head : Please refer back to the previous statements you've made. (See #1 and #2 above.) You haven't even taken the time to shower or do your homework during the week. How stressed out can you be? Your life is one big party and I'm a tyrant because I ask you to help out with one small job on the weekend? Who is making your meals, driving you from point A to point B, cleaning your home, waking you up when you sleep through your alarm at 5:25 am, etc?
It has been very therapeutic sharing these with so many people. I feel much better.
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