A mother’s job is to teach her children not to need her anymore. The hardest part of that job is accepting success.― Rochelle B. Weinstein, Somebody's Daughter.
I came across this quote this week and it's been rolling around in the back of my mind all week. Raising adult children is HARD! Whether it's because they've grown up and really don't need you very much and you're sad and you miss them or because they are 20 years old and need you more than they want to admit.
Why aren't there support groups for parents of adult children?
Parenting adult children is almost more difficult than parenting toddlers. At least the toddlers sleep regular hours and express their feelings directly. You can tell what they're thinking. You know when they're sad or hungry or hurting. It's much more complicated when your children are older.
And you have so much hope for them when they're toddlers and you still have that hope for them as adults. But you have a lot less control over what they do. Or you wish you had less control. You want them to step up and take control, and you want to "help" them do this in a noncontrolling way.
It's a delicate balance to strike. And I don't know what I'm doing. I have two adult children now. Both have been in my home at the ages of 19 and 20 unsure of what they're doing in life.
I have hope that all of my children will figure it out. My first one has. He's out of the house, working on his own, paying his own way, and even speaks fluent Farsi and has learned how to negotiate. Thank you, US Army! And he chose this path on his own.
So I know it's possible, and I've seen him mature. He really doesn't need me that much anymore. I helped him buy a car, but was pleasantly surprised to hear that he filed his own taxes this week and registered his first car and even put on the license plates. Paying income tax and car registration. Definitely successful with the adulting. Now only 2 more kids and 1 adult to go!
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